The Wishing Well

Right now I wish I was invisible. Like I could just disappear. THIS is why I didn't want to come to India in the first place. Not ever. From the first time I got off the plane in Bombay (Mumbai) when I was seven and saw the mobs of people, the dogs, the homeless people, the dirt--I simply didn't like it.

The fact that I don't speak any Indian language doesn't really help.

My dad told me that I'd regret it. Not learning Hindi, the main language here, I mean. I did try, but it didn't work out. Maybe I just didn't see the point. Well there really isn't, unless you count the few times we come to India. I guess it's just kinda uncomfortable.

The only reason, as my mom put it, that we ever CAME to India was to visit my grandmother. And now that she's gone, there really isn't any point in coming. The whole place is just really corrupt. Maybe some beauty here and there, cheap stuff all around, but other than that, I like America just fine. I suppose I'm making India sound like a really bad place, but if I think about it, it's not all that bad. It's probably just me that's the problem.

Yesterday we did a brief puja (indian ceremony with a priest) for.. I believe, the fifth day. I never understand anything they're saying, obviously, and I can't join in, either. So I'm just kinda sitting there.. not knowing what to do. THAT'S when I want to be invisible. Because I just don't want to hear everything they do say in English about what happened.

And my cousins don't speak a lot of English, so it's hard for us to communicate. The most I got out of my youngest cousin yesterday was "I declare WAR," when we were playing the card game war. Here it's so boring.. even my mom thinks so.. because we have nothing to do, and we're expected to be mourning. But wouldn't my grandmother want us to be HAPPY? Some things are just beyond me.

It just started POURING outside. :/ Looks like I'll probably be stuck inside all day doing.. well, nothing much.

Trying to be invisible.