Uh… >_> To make it short, the whole advisory meeting turned upside down for me. Thought I could hold the fort down, then surprised myself by breaking into tears. During my speech. On film.
Our school is facing a $2.2 million budget crisis right now, and classes are on the verge of being cut left and right. Our band director handed out advisory classes so we could come to the open discussion meeting, and said that nothing would make him happier than if all 200 or so of us showed up at the meeting to advocate for the music program.
The result was that so many students spoke up on behalf of band that finally Calvin raised his hand and said:
“Would everyone who came here to advocate for the music program please raise their hand?” ::90% of the filled theater raises hand, followed by cheering:: “I rest my case.”
I have a lot of things to say about music, and for two nights I’ve been cobbling it all together into a half-coherent 1-minute speech. This was what I ended with, except to cut it down to a minute I started from the second half.
I still can’t believe I cried. I hate it when my voice starts wavering while I’m talking, because it means I’m past the point where I can stop myself. This is the first time it’s happened during a speech, and it started around sentence #2.
I read somewhere that public speaking is a person’s worst fear 90% of the time or something, and I believe it. I’ve always been terrified by it - you know, that feeling where your pulse is going nuts and your hands are shaking and everything. For me, it was always like that up until 8th grade, when I really noticed the impact that band was having on me. I’d been playing with all these classmates who were amazing musicians, and at one point I finally realized that their playing was rubbing off on me. I started taking a lot more risks, playing solos, trying out some new stuff that didn’t always work. But when it does, it’s just the most satisfying feeling in the world.
Music is always under risk of being cut. And I’m just speaking from personal experience here - all the people who told me that band is just for the college apps couldn’t be more wrong. Jazz Lab has always been my most intense and challenging class, because it’s not like anything you do in a classroom. Every member of a band needs to have to have the determination and self-discipline to practice their part, and then come to class and be able to work together. And not just that, a musician needs to have the confidence to do something new, and if not the confidence then the courage to try it. That’s something I never learned in a classroom, it’s something I got from music. I’ve always been scared of public speaking, but that’s not something that stops me anymore, because in a band that’s exactly what you do. Whether I’ve been playing music with these people since 7th grade jazz, or whether we just met this year, they’re all supportive. When you play in a band, you make yourself vulnerable to your classmates, and that’s something you have to learn in life or else end up never taking a risk.
And I can’t imagine Albany without the people who do that, you know? Taking away music would be denying us something that makes us unique.
Well, whether or not recovered from my surprise breakdown attack, I have to pull myself together. With CMEA on Saturday and Downtown Restaurant on Sunday, I’ll be seeing the same people who were at that meeting all weekend. All I’m hoping for right now is that somehow I can come through for them.