I don't feel like a Senior yet. Or well, that savory satisfaction of being the big man on campus. I still feel trapped by academic and social bounds. Still working hard with 3 AP classes this semester. Still stuck at home on a beautiful Saturday doing homework.

But honestly, I didn't do any of my homework. Instead, I sat around downloading music and listening to songs that I should have discovered months, years earlier. But that's me. Stuck in the past and unable to move forward. I'm a habitual being, who enjoys predictability and the security that comes with it. Afraid to explore "what could be" but rather, dwell on "how it is."

So I guess this is how it's gonna go then. I'll wake up early in the morning unmotivated to go to school. I'll spend afternoons playing volleyball and late nights doing homework. Wishing, dreaming that I could go to sleep. While others have well-established networks of friends that always do things together, I struggle to find that complete belonging that someone in their 4th year of high school should have.

As this year progresses, I'm praying that something changes that will open new horizons for myself. Someone to break the bonds that I am imprisoned by.

It's another damn school year.