I'm not mad about it. I knew what I was getting myself into, and yet, I guess I put logic aside and went straight on feeling.

In fellowship we learned about the whole idea of getting even and the 4"Rs": Responsibility, Remorse, Restitution, and Forgiveness... And well, the whole idea was about mending broken relationships, from something as close as a husband-wife relationship, to something as casual as a classmate we don't talk to.

When we wrong somebody, we should take "Responsibility" for our actions. Rather than blaming it on society, outside influences, or bad experiences, our own actions are what matters and that's what we need to be accountable for. Secondly, "Remorse" - instead of jumping straight to asking for forgiveness, we should look into how we hurt the other person and plainly put, we should feel bad about it. Instead of wronging the other person to spite them, taking no consideration how it would actually make them feel, we need to realize that our actions do have consequences that have negative effects on others. No matter how much it would make ourselves feel better to see the other person as less happy as us, its possible that we're doing more damage than good. It's time to notice that we may need to change ourselves in someway.

Thirdly, "Restitution". The actual definition of the word has to deal with something stolen, and paying back what was stolen. Another definition defines it as restoring things to the way it was. The way to go about this differs, however, it still means someone has to take action. We need to somehow give back what we took from the other person. If it's an object, find a way to replace it. If it's something less tangible, like a lost friend or a broken heart, offer ourselves to find a way to make amends. It could be as simple as offering our changed self as restitution or making ourselves available to the person. And lastly, "Forgiveness". After thinking about all these things: taking responsibility for our own actions, feeling remorse for what went wrong and realizing that things need to be fixed, and taking the time to make restitution of the situation, ask for forgiveness. This is really the only step out of our hands. It's up to the other person to decide whether they should forgive us or not. All we can really do is be sincere and let the other person know that we have thought about what happened and that the relationship between us and the other person is more important.

So for the wronged person.... this still applies. Tonight I found myself taking the role of the wronged, actually. "Responsibility", being mature and listening to what the other person has to say. To be honest, this goes for both people. Listening to how the other person feels and they're opinions on the situation may help clear a path for resolving the situation. "Remorse", by listening to what the other person had to say, I actually realized the mistakes I made that contributed to the end result. "Restitution", offer to help the other person change for the better. I feel like this is the hardest step because in my case, I don't know what I can exactly do at this moment to help the other person. "Forgiveness", take the other person's apology as sincere and from the heart, and if it applies, apologize for our own wrongdoing. I think its up to me to think about it over and decide whether I can forgive the person for what happens. I guess this depends on how severe the situation is as well, and how much we actually want to resolve it. For me, I hadn't apologized for my own mistakes yet, and I truly believe their apology was genuine.

While talking to the person, I was thinking about these 4"Rs" a lot. I was really trying to apply the correct mindset about the situation while it was going on. Looking back on it, maybe God really wanted me to take this lesson to heart and mature me for later trials. In the end, I'm still attempting to make amends and ask for forgiveness, because I already feel partly responsible for what's happening, and I feel bad for having to make her sit in her pain and think about what's up.